TAMMI: Thank you guys for taking time out to speak with me. What gave you the idea to do a speed dating event?

CHANTEL: Well a huge part of our mission is to provide networking opportunities for professional blacks in DC.  We came across the idea of a speed dating event and with Valentine’s Day coming up we thought it would be a big success.

TAMMI: Yes, great timing with Valentine’s Day. Now hopefully everyone can find a date.

CHANTEL: That is the hope.

TAMMI: Fingers crossed for everyone attending. Briefly tell us about The Board of Professional Black Females.

CHANTEL: We started in February of 2011, with about twenty females and have grown to over fifty.  A little bit about our mission, we are a non-profit organization started to build a network of professional black woman in the DC area.  Another part of our mission is to mentor young females to also become successful.

TAMMI: Awesome. What type of service do you guys provide to the community in regards to mentorships.

CHANTEL: We have actually been involved with quite a few outreaches programs. We’ve done a back to school drive, donating school supplies to local area schools. We’ve also raised money for Metro Teen AIDS, which is an organization for young females. In the future we plan on launching our own mentoring program, upcoming in May.  You will see us a lot more involved in the community, volunteering in shelters, soup kitchens and those types of things.

TAMMI: That is wonderful.  How can people get involved?

CHANTEL: Go to our website www.TheBPBF.org for more information and if you would like to reach out to us, you can email us at thebpbf@gmail.com.

TAMMI: What other events can we expect to see from you guys in the near future?

CHANTEL: We do have a networking event at Wet Your Palette on February 28th. A first time home buyers workshop on March 31st. And we will having a few more events here and there so make sure to check out our website.

STEPHANIE: Additionally, you can check out the website www.TheBPBF.org to see our past events and our members.

TAMMI: Definitely go check out the website www.TheBPBF.org to find out how you can get involved; especially if you are a professional woman in the DC metro area. Ladies, thank you.

The Board of Professional Black Females, Inc
Mail: PO Box 6404 Upper Marlboro, MD 20720
Email:thebpbf@gmail.com
Website: www.thebpbf.org
Twitter: www.twitter.com/thebpbf
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thebpbf

Luv2LuvYa,
@TammiLorraine

He gave me three keys, in his opinion (and granddaddy’s opinions are ALWAYS right), to having a lasting relationship:

You must compromise: nobody gets their way ever. You either create a new way together or you meet in the middle. There are times one may have to give a lot more than the other but in general you both should be meeting in the middle.

You must communicate: when you stop talking and sharing with your spouse you drift apart.

Never, never, never go to bed angry, upset, or mad at your spouse: You may not resolve the issue at hand but you will regret the day you lose your loved one and not had made peace with them.

These three keys seem simple enough; but in this day and age, humans are selfish. It’s always about me, me, me, and my feelings and what I want or don’t want.  Some have a list of do’s and don’ts that must be followed to a T with no questions asked or deviation.  Can we even find the word compromise in the Webster?  Or is it extinct like the dodo bird? How do we get back to compromise?

People want their partner to listen and understand them but are unwilling to be quiet and hear their partner.  They want you to be there when they call but are MIA emotionally when you need them.  How do we get back to effective communication?  To the place we actually take the time to listen and not just be heard?

When did we lose the desire to want to please our mates?  Wanting to make them happy?  Love isn’t truly shown when your man or woman is doing everything right but truly being there, being consistent, being you when they aren’t.  So we don’t agree on everything but are we willing to work on it?

I believe in compromise – I’m still working on the listening part – and I try to make peace as much as possible. Our generation is so infatuated with threesomes, playing games, and side pieces; yet wonder why healthy happy relationships are so few and far in between.  I wish my granddaddy was here to impart more wisdom into me but his and my grandma’s relationship was an example of a solid bond.  His threesome was compromise, communication, and peace.  When it came to playing games and side pieces, he was good with putting a few dollars on the numbers and a bucket of Popeye’s chicken and biscuits.

So are you down for a threesome?

Hey Tammi Lorraine,

I met this guy online and we’ve been talking for a few months. It seems as if we have a good connection and he has been suggesting that we meet face to face to see if something jumps off. I’m wondering if it is even possible to spark a meaningful relationship off of a social network or are social networks only a means to find a quick screw? I’m done with that and really do want to find a good guy and he seems genuine enough in his approach. So should I give it a try or should I chalk it up to just a little online flirting?

Just asking,
Dani

Dear Dani:

I actually know someONE who met his wife on Myspace and they are happily married with a son. So it is possible to met someone on a social network and fall in love.

The way social networks are moving these days it’s like the free version of any of these mainstream online dating sites. With that said, I’m going to give you a few of my warnings/precautions to meeting and falling for someone via a social network.

NUMBER ONE – not everyone is a true representation of themselves on line. Meaning he/she may have a gorgeous picture of themselves from back in ’92 and when you meet them for the first time the feelings you may have developed for them may not match your physical compatibility. Talk about downer! Now this will be a test in your superficiality; can you be with this man who isn’t as tall as you like or this woman who isn’t as small as you are use to?

Outside of the physical aspect, there is something about being behind a computer screen that makes people feel VERY comfortable and BOLD. So he may tweet a bunch of inspirational tweets but have self-esteem issues or she may see outgoing and funny but can’t hold a conversation worth crap. I like to call it peoples “Twitter or Facebook Personalities” – so you never know who they really are until you chill with them in person.

In the same breath there are people out there who create fake profiles and are out to harm folks so ALWAYS be careful!!!

NUMBER TWO – seriously note how he/she talks to others on line. If you notice they are flirtatious with a number of females/males on their timeline then that might be an indication you aren’t the only one he/she is trying to make a connection with. I always say DM’s and FB messages are a funny thing. I can’t say what your friend’s intentions are but in my perspective if he is sending you DM’s talking bout how he is feeling you then is on his timeline flirting and telling other females to check their DM’s it doesn’t seem like you are the only one. So I’d go SLOW, very slow.

NUMBER THREE - social networks are a great way to meet new people fast and it does give you a false sense of truly knowing someone. Be sure your only interaction with him/her isn’t thru 140 characters and/or a FB post. Get a gmail number if you don’t feel comfortable giving out your phone number to them at first. Although you really don’t want to rush a face to face meeting, if you notice you run in the same crew then get your folks together for your first encounter. You can’t develop a true relationship over text, because if you don’t know by now messages can get twisted plus you want to make sure you see a different side of this person you are catching feelings for.

NUMBER FOUR - I want to go back to the false sense of truly knowing someone. There are people on social networks for the sole purpose of portraying themselves as someone they are not. So you again be careful.

But that’s just my opinion… let’s see what your peers think…

@TammiLorraine

Soon after J.Lo’s separation from Marc Anthony was announced she was linked with Bradley Cooper. Three divorces and two highly publicized relationships you’d think she’d want some “me time” before she jumped on the horse again but obviously she is ready to saddle up.

Granted many relationships are over way before a couple actually announces it to their friends and families but it seems almost disrespectful to your ex to be pronouncing around town with a new boo. I’m sure Kim Kardashian is already scooting a new rookie. Let’s see she’s already benched a few basketball and football players; I’m sure recruiting stays open in her league.

Who knows, I guess life is too short to worry about your ex’s feelings and the proper wait time; but let me know what you think. Should you have to wait a period of time before getting with someone else or is the rebound man/woman still alive and well.

@TammiLorraine

Dear Tammi Lorraine,

My boyfriend is a football fanatic and always wants to have people over on weekends or be at his friend’s house or at a bar. It’s so annoying because my work and school schedule is crazy and the only days we can actually spend together are the weekends. I try to tell him how he needs to pick either Saturday or Sunday to be out and the other day will be for us but he doesn’t get it. What should I do I feel like we never see each other?

Dear Missing Your Man,

Look on the bright side we are half way through the season. Okay, I know that doesn’t bring much comfort and I understand your concern – until mid-February football will be the other “woman” in your man’s life. If he is a part of any fantasy leagues, not only is this other “woman” occupying his thoughts but he is spending money on her too. This time of year can be frustrating for any woman who isn’t big on sports and the best advice I have for you is to figure out a way to enjoy it or find a hobby. If you just can’t sit through a college or NFL game then you’ll have to find something to do with those hours your beau is cheering for his favorite team.

Complaining about not spending enough time together isn’t going to make him WANT to spend more time with you. It will be see as you nagging and trying to keep him from doing what he wants and we all know how that story ends. It is difficult to not bring it up especially since your schedules just aren’t aligned but let him do what makes him happy and it will click “wait I miss my baby”. Letting him miss you is actually a good thing. Try not to have an attitude and allow him his time. I know this is easier said then done but allow him to enjoy the season and pray the NBA stays locked out.

But that’s just my opinion… let’s see what your peers think…

I knew the attention whore was just trying to get even more attention (attention equates to money in Hollywood) but 72 days? Really Kim K.? That’s a slap in the face to the FIVE MILLION viewers who wasted DVR space on a 90 minute advertisement aka your wedding.

I personally didn’t get to watch it, had laundry to do, but from the commercials I really believed Kim’s tears about “I’m forgetting what this day is really about *insert tears* true love, me starting this life with my best friend, the man God made especially for me”. Okay I added the last bit but dang is it too late for all of you to ask for your time and money back? Once again you’ve been bamboozled by another celebrity wedding.

Besides Khloe (okay I admit I dig Khloe) all the Kardashians can kick rocks in my opinion. We the viewers – wait let me rephrase – YOU the viewers are the ones sending the Kardashians a pay check each week but then complain they are famous for being famous. Funny how that works out. Speaking of which, I  need to cancel my Shoedazzle membership because I realized I too am funding the madness.

Well it’s all entertainment right? I guess, but damn Kim save some men for us.

This brings up the age old question do you check your man or the other woman?

In my defense, I had no idea he was in a relationship and would have exited stage left if I had known. That’s how innocent women get jumped and beat up in these streets. She could have Joey Greco following him and next thing you know I’m on an episode of Cheaters wondering what the hell is going on.

Another point to think about is if she has to check his email, text messages, etc then she needs to do herself a favor and leave! If they aren’t married and she feels the need to go snooping threw his things then there are serious problems in their relationship. Especially if she has already found something she deemed to be questionable. A couple of years ago, my ex let me use his phone and I got curious and peeped his text message. The first one said “Thank you for letting me show you how Superhead does it’”. Talk about angry

Now he had to have trusted I wouldn’t go through his phone because he didn’t even hesitate when I asked him to use it for a minute. I wasn’t even that type of female; although we were having issues I had never went through his phone prior to that. Now I could have called every one of those females up and got info from them or cursed them out but in my mind it wasn’t about them. They weren’t in our relationship. Obviously, I kicked his ass to the curb but how many women rather flip out on the female and make it work with the man instead of leaving him. If I had stayed, best believe I would have been going mentally and emotionally crazy wondering if he were out doing me wrong again. Why do that to yourself? Trust is one of the biggest parts of a relationship if you don’t have that then what’s the point? My new motto is “If you feel the need to check your partners stuff then it’s time to walk away”.

Dear Daddy,

Thank you! Words honestly will never be able to express how much love and adoration I have for you, but I strive to show you through my actions daily. I haven’t always made the best decisions, but to know I can always run into your arms for comfort after I’ve fallen and you’ll give me sound advice when I’m not sure what to do has blessed me throughout the years. Even when I moved across the country you continued to remind me that home was just a plane ride away. Thank you!

I appreciate the sacrifices you’ve made to take care of your family. You’ve never run away from your responsibilities and never made us feel as though you could have been living the easy life if it weren’t for five mouths to feed. Though you tell us you aren’t rich, you’ve always given us the best; even if that meant you had to do without. Thank you!

Thank you for always protecting me. It was only the second grade but I remember you walking me to school when I told you that fourth grade boy wouldn’t stop hassling me. As I look back now he was probably only flirting but all you needed to hear was “he is bothering me” and you were right there the next day telling him not to even look in my direction. Probably a little extreme but I never had to worry about another boy looking in my direction at the school for the next few years. Mission accomplished in your eyes. Even now, years later, I know it hurts your heart to see me hurt and although I try to mask it you always seem to sense it and try to ease my pain. Thank you Daddy!

Daddy you have taught me so much and continually remind me I’m a child of the Most High God and if He is by my side I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Your support, sacrifice, protection and love for me and my siblings have not gone unnoticed and unappreciated. Everyday I brag about my daddy and how I’m so thankful and proud to have you. On this day so many men don’t get the recognition they deserve but I want to make sure you aren’t one of them. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY Daddy!! I love you so much and thank you with all of my heart for being the man you are!

Your baby,

Tammi Lorraine

Watch Love vs Money Part I

Watch Love vs Money Part II